Sex is weird

You know its true. Sex can be so weird! I don't care how comfortable you are. lets discuss the reasons why.

1) Planning (or not planning). Anyone else have kids? Feeling like you have to have the "time" to get in a good sesh. But then your planning and having to be careful about the kids coming is rarely exciting (okay, yes, sometimes living on the edge of being caught is cool, just not by a 3 or 8 year old). Or if not scared about getting caught, feeling like an asshole because your upstairs in your bedroom getting railed while telling your kids you're helping your partner find something.

2. How do you get it started? Sext throughout the day? To me you can only get away with that every so often until it gets old. Or I ended up being the one to talk a big game, and be the first to fall asleep. I'm kidding... No i'm not. Do you jump on the bed and spread them? Do you talk about the foreplay you want to do with them before doing it? Do you just surprise them with the goods? What if its really unexpected and then you need to wait a minute so down under knows what's about to go down.

[Forget the numbers]

Is foreplay a must? I heard that if you don't do some foreplay action, sex can sometimes not be as great. "Supposedly" when you get aroused during foreplay, your insides adjust out of the way for the penis. Sounds interesting, I read it on the internet somewhere so it must be true.

Kissing during sex? Personally I LOVE THAT SHIT! I love it bad. But I am also a big love maker. I'm not a prudy woman, don't get me wrong, I'm just an emotional son of a bitch.

Let stalk about the stickiness of it all. Bodies just sticking together, lube left over on your hands (where do you wipe that shit). Just bodily fluids splashing around creating more stickiness, and creating a wet asshole as your fluid as just drippling down.

The heat! Shit, I remember being months pregnant and having sex, it felt like my face was ON FIRE, and about to explode. I felt like instead of my vagina releasing, my face was building up and about to explode instead of something else. Its happened a couple times since then!

Elevation is key! stack them pillows, roll those hips, forward or back, you'll find the right spot. Be careful, cramps happen! Oh do they happen, at the worst time, again, sometimes you just try a bit too hard, and get caught with a back cramp.

Oh and the hip pain. Come on, I can't be the only one who feels like she's stuck in a position. That burning deep in my hips. Guess I'll blame cheering..

Alright, the deed is done. Now the question is "where do you want it?" Well umm.. IDK!

You could do it on my face, for some odd reason?

You could do I on my back or stomach.

Oh shit, you could just let them babies swim freely.

Which leads me to the next awkward this about sex. THE CLEAN UP "Throw me that towel!" You know if your man is finishing in you, you probably shouldn't just roll over and fall asleep, and in reality, maybe you cant do that. Maybe its before work, or before your about to run some errands. You also know, if your ass (not literally) isn't taking a piss or trying to push out that junk, give it a couple hours and it will surprise you.

Don't worry, you're not alone. Or shit, maybe I am. ;)