Poor Example Of a Mom

"No."

The easiest word as a parent.

For me, any question asked from my kids, feels like a rope is in my head pulling me one way, then the other.

Within a few seconds I think " If I say yes, what questions are too come, if I say yes, what problems will come of it".

So I say no.

And I hurt all day over it.

Being a mom I find myself extra hard on myself.

I want my husband to come home to warm meal.

I want my kids to have balance through out the week between, chicken, beef, pork etc. (eating beef two nights in a row or even two nights during the week gives me anxiety).

I want my kids to have cute snacks found on pintrest.

I want to prepared my childs' lunches with a daily note so they know how much I love them.

I'd love to be one of those PTA moms.

I want to be excited to hear their stories.

I want a clean house ALL THE TIME.

I want to enjoy doing this with the kids without stress.

I want my kids to have balance.

News Flash.

I am not a shitty mother.

I am just a mom who grew up with a father who was an alcoholic, abuser to any woman we dated - yet the type of man who cries to Mighty Joe Young and will give anyone the shirt off his back. And was raised by a mother who wasn't around much because we she either working over nights and sleeping all day, or working multiple jobs to get my for my family. - That is just a TOUCH of how I grew up.

My parents didn't attend my sports events, hense why I was so good. I had to try so hard to impress the other parents, coaches and teammates.

That being said.

You can understand how hard it is for me to balance parenting.

I want to be the hard working woman my mother was. - But I don't want my children to have a hazy memory of their childhood because I wasn't around to do fun things with them.

I want to have the heart like my father, but yet I'm stuck with his negative traits too.

As I grow and live my life, I SLOWLY learn, I can see.

I AM AN AMAZING MOM.

The house will be clean, when it can be. (were basically a house full of 5 + a newfoundland dog)

If I can sneak a note into my kids lunch box, once or twice a month, or hell I'll be pumped if I get to it this year.

I have missed only 1 cheering competition. (Due to my due date for my youngest child)

My husband may not come home to a warm meal, but he can heat it up.

(Through this process I am learning - I need to keep myself happy - and keep myself SANE to help these other people around me. I feel to make sure my cup is full before I try and fill other peoples cups.)

My children have Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even if its not cute dressed up like I see on pintrest.

You know what, sometimes we have cereal for dinner, sometimes its a frozen pizza.

But my kids are not going to starve.

I let the kids have tablet time, but I also kick them outside for a bit like most parents did when I was a kid.

When I feel like we are doing nothing, and I'm too lazy to play with them- I remind myself, these kids have a play room (I didn't have that as a kid) , A trampoline (I didn't have as a kid), and in ground pool (I didn't have as a kid, and a fensed in back yard covered with trees for complete privacy (I didn't have that).

Though these kids expect me to get on their level, I am 27 years old, I am not 8. I do my best to share interests, even when its hard. (Try to 8-10 questions a day, to ask your kids. - whether its questions about school, a new trick they learned, or something random they bring up to you)

My children have parents who work to provide for them (when I had a father who has NEVER kept and over the table job for more than 6 months.- to this day)

So you know what.

---

I AM KILLING IT IN THIS PARENTING GAME.

---

-And I wont let a single one of you , try and get me to think other wise.-

I wasn't given these children to be a certain type of mom for them.

These children were chosen for ME (through the sperm and egg), for the way I parent.

There is NO wrong way with how I take care of my kids. As long as they are being taken care of.

And you know what, for some crazy reason, if I am fucking up this parenting hard core. Luckily these children have a choice too. And as they grow, they will take notes and grow off of the plateform I gave them or they can go the opposite route. But I know, I am doing the best job I can do, while pleasing everyone, and mainly, pleasing myself.

If there are days, or weeks or hell, even years of you feeling like you are doing a shitty as job being parent or partner. Remind yourself of all that you are doing. And after that, if you're still bummed about it. CHANGE IT.

Just remind yourself.

Your cup needs to be full before you try filling other peoples cup.

Put yourself first.

Subscribe to get new post notifications :)

And THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT.

And you know what, for some crazy reason, if I am fucking up this parenting hard core. Luckily these children have a choice too. And as they grow, they will take notes and grow off of the platform I gave them or they can go the opposite route. But I know, I am doing the best job I can do, while pleasing everyone, and mainly, pleasing myself.